The Pregnancy from F***ing Hell

If you’re pregnant and sick and people keep yapping to you about the miracle of life and you’re thinking, “The miracle of life my fucking ass”, but you’re still smiling because you don’t want to come off like a psychopath or ungrateful or, God help you, someone who doesn’t love every moment of the vomiting, nausea, cramps, sore boobs, exhaustion, heartburn, skin that hurts from being stretched so much, constipation, maternity clothes straight outta Little House on the Prairie, swollen hands and legs and feet—and let’s not forget the forever-sexy hemorrhoids—welcome! You’re reading the exact right words at the exact right time!

Because the ugly truth is that for some women, being pregnant sucks. And when you’re hurling up your guts and have to go to work and maybe even have a toddler tugging at your sleeve or hem or hair, hearing that it’ll be worth it in the end doesn’t help. Fuck “it’ll be worth it in end”. You just don’t want to feel like shit right now, and you don’t feel like that’s too much to ask, seeing as you’re doing the world the ultimate favor of bringing life into the world.

Well, you’re right—it’s not too much to ask. And yet, you’re probably going to go on feeling like shit until you don’t anymore, whenever that may be.

But while this may be true…you do have this little essay you could read.

The bad news: it won’t solve a damn thing.

The good news: it’s not trying to! You might, however, remember that you’re not alone, and maybe you’ll laugh a little, too, and those are two good, good things. So have some tea, if you can keep it down, remember you’re a champ, and read on.

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